Tuesday June 18, 2013
I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I don’t know about anything. I’m confused & scared. It feels like nothings getting better & yeah I managed to stay clean for almost a week but then I just broke down. They aren’t deep just enough to see the blood trickle down my wrist. It seems like people are becoming more & more distant & it’s scary cause the little bubble around you is getting smaller & smaller & you can’t breathe cause there’s hardly anyone left there for you. I regret a lot of choices with people that I made & they weren’t the best decisions, some were “in the moment” & I wish I could take them back. I haven’t cried as hard as I have in the past few nights for a while & it’s like the tears just wouldn’t stop, more & more pain was there & I couldn’t handle it anymore. Tomorrow’s the last day of actual classes of being a freshman…I’m happy but then sad cause it’s over but then cause I didn’t do anything fun. There were no parties, no get togethers with anyone from there, I hope that changes over the next 3 years. I really hope I made the right decision by not going to Garth cause everyday I think “what if I went…” with all the pros & cons but majority of people there don’t even seem like they think twice about me or miss me, I was just another friend at elementary school. My wrist is really sore typing this but I’ll just fake a smile towards everyone cause people wouldn’t understand/care & I don’t need their negative bullshit about it.
I just wanna be happy, I want the pain to go away.